School's Back To Nature

all taken by me

Mataku Kini Seperti Awan

Mataku kini seperti awan. Di atas samudera luas. Panas

 Air di bawahku selalu menguap setiap waktu

 Tak kenal tahun, bulan, minggu, hari, jam, menit, atau detik

 Aku kini mudah sekali menumpahkan air hujan

 Tak terasa, tanah hati kini basah 

 Kemudian membusuk, terlalu banyak menelan air

 Sepertinya sudah terluka

 Trauma

 Aku kini berusaha memupuknya lagi dengan hal baik

 Aku berjung untuk mengolahnya lagi

 Agar aku dapat mencitrakan yang indah

 Tidak buruk

 Namun samudera dibawahku seperti enggan menghentikan siklusnya
 Kiriman uap air tak henti datang
 Mata ini kemudian penuh
 Lalu tumpah lagi ketika tanah hati ini belum siap
 Lalu busuk lagi
Lalu berputar terus tanpa henti hingga saat ini

Decision

Menentukan cita-cita, kini tidak lagi semudah dulu. Ketika belum ada harapan orang lain yang harus kita wujudkan. Ketika belum ada tuntutan.

Menentukan jalan ke depan, kini tidak lagi semudah dulu. Ketika belum terbayang kerumitannya. Ketika masih bening benakku. Belum terisi oleh keraguan & ketakutan.

Menentukan keinginan, kini tidak lagi semudah dulu. Ketika kita tahu, bahwa bukan keinginan aku sajalah yang penting. Ketika aku masih harus memikirkan dampak keinginanku bagi orang lain.

Menentukan pilihan, kini tidak lagi semudah dulu. Ketika jalan di depan masih lurus. Ketika belum ada banyak cabang membingungkan yang nyaris menjerumuskan.

Pada kenyataannya, aku dan hidupku begitu juga dengan kamu. Tidak akan bertambah mudah. Ketika umur aku dan kamu bertambah. Maka satu persatu hal baru akan muncul.
Aku dan kamu akan dihadapkan pada banyak pilihan. Bukan sekedar harus memilih permen cokelat atau es krim ketika kita kecil dulu. 

Dunia berubah. Aku berubah. Kamu berubah.

Seperti apapapun kita berubah nanti, pastikan itu maju, bukan mundur.

What is wrong with crying?

Why some people don't care about tears that dropped down on someone's face?
Why some people don't event want to know why they're crying?
Why some people see a cry as a useless thing to do?
Why some poeple laugh at someones sadness? OR EVEN ANGRY AT IT?

What is so wrong with crying?

I hate this moment. When all I can do is crying. When there's no word I could say.
The worst part is not when I cry and able to talk none.

but when no one responses

When I cry it means I can't do other thing to express my emotion. I choose to cry rathert than to be angry. I am weak, it's true. But it seems like not everybody like to see a cry. And the worst fact that 

they are my parents

When I cry, I want a care. I want someone to ask me "Why are you crying?" not someone that would say


"Why are you crying, fool" or "Can you please stop crying? You're a grown up girl now!" even the sweetest sentences "Dear, just don't cry. Stop it"

I WANT TO ASK YOU WHAT IS REALLY WRONG ABOUT CRYING?

I just can not understand how these people see a cry. I cry easily I know, it's because the pain has been on my mind for like million years. It's aching deep down inside. It hurts

but it seems like no one wants to understand

I don't think growing up means you can not cry.
A cry is not a kind of thing to be seen as a gross thing.
Well I care so much about a cry, that is why I can't accept when people angry at me when I am crying. Or even try to stop me
I never want to stop someone when they're crying. Because that could be the only thing they can do to erase the restlesness deep inside their heart. Who knows?

"He (Jesus) understands, when all I can do is cry. He feels the hurt that no one can see down inside and when the words get in the way i know. He still hears. For He understands my tears"

Bussy Enough?

Hola marvelous!

My days are going to be super bussy from now on. I just got home from a course registration at BTA 70. I’m going to be one of the main crew of LDKS OSIS with those 4 events. Need to prepare for MBGF’s regeneration. Preparing for UAN & SNMPTN. Also, AIM, and this is the hardest. Oh and last! Take my TOEFL test to get the certificate.

Hmm, senior high is the best moment also the worst. I realize I can’t play too much from now. Need to complete those things up there hohoho. And I think, still need to study on December for another test on January. Woohoooo, so many hopes and wishes and of course so fuckin many things I have to do for those wishes to become true.

Ha! Not all of you know that I am in the Science Department now, the 3^rd grader. And physics, chemistry and mathematic are the finest bullets in the world that could burn your body in one shot! I can over the Biology, it’s much better to read much than to count much LOL. Anyway, why did I choose Science? Because I don’t know my goal yet. I don’t know what I wanna be in the future. This is so pathetic but yeah I need time to think. Anyway, if I don’t choose a science faculty in the end, I wouldn’t regret it. I need science department to widen up my road after Senior High. That way, I can choose any faculty I want. The problem is the test. The sadness is I take this too seriously. I don’t wanna be to radical on the process. I wanna chase the dream. I DON’T WANNA BE CHASED BY DREAM. A normal hardwork is enough. Not wasting too much time. Use the books into their maximum function. Order helps from Mr. Google hehe. Listening much to parents. And talk to God much more than before. Need to get closer to Him :)

Disciplify myself (ah bener ga tuh disciplify, ngarang bae).

Course starts on 13^th of September, wish to be a one lucky day to lead me to another lucky day. AMEN! Can’t wait for it, really excited. I thought I would be the only SMAN 10 students in the class, but thank God for Maringan is in my class too. At least I have a friend to talk and to discuss.

I will still be able to post because I’m not the kind of person that will tighten up myself up and avoiding any entertainment. I’m a human. I need to live while chasing my dream. Thank you :)

Iran vs Indonesia

Hola amigos! Quiet sad to see the result of pra world cup match between Iran and Indonesia. But, anyway, my timeline suddenly became full of tweets about the match. Just like usual, there's always our comedian, judges, and those who are very optimist that Indonesia will win the match. And last those who weren't satisfied with the result and the tv station which was so disappointing. 

 

Christy's 17th Birthday Night: Superb!

 

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