Marvelous

I don't know why I can not be someone's best friend. I had some, but those didn't last for a long time. That means they're not my besties and I wasn't theirs. Okay? I am not a true person for everyone. Except if you are a frontal person, I can give an excuse for this kind of person. I just hurt my friend's heart again. A girl, a kind girl. Not like me. And she's blessed and I am not. I just can't accept how everything could be so easy on her life. Not because I don't have any idea about that. I can't accept it because I know why! Like I said I am not a good girl. Just like average girls you see in their 17 moments. I ain't good but I ain't that bad. But I am nothing like her. She's just blessed, she said. I have tried to be good enough, but I just can't. It seems like this is what I am now and it is hard to change it. It makes me cry every single time I think about I can't be like what my Jesus wants me to be. And that's what lead me to think that He doesn't love me anymore. I've been bad. And every single second I try to be conscious about that. I try to talk to Him about this. Promise that I won't do the same bad thing anymore. But, hell, I broke my promise. "You are not metamorphosing if you can always go back to what you used to be. Metamorphosing is getting better and never go back". And this is what I can not achieve in my life. And that makes me think that the mess I feel everyday is just the result of what I've been untill now. I've been thinking about that if I can be as good as her, I can reach the peak of an achievement eventhough I'm good at nothing. This is an ironic sentence, but it is true. I really want you to know, that this is the only thing I hate about you. Why you always get what you want? Why did you get those amazing scores eventhough you're not that smart? I know we're different, sister, you are blessed, and I am not. Thank you for mentioning that.